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 Why
Marriges Succed or Fail
by John Gottman
Ph. D
From
psychology professor (Univ. of Washington) and marriage researcher Gottman:
an upbeat, easy-to-follow manual based on research into the dynamics of
married couples. Gottman describes his studies as being akin to a CAT
scan of a living relationship and asserts that he's been able to predict
the future of marriages with an accuracy rate of over 90 percent. In 1983
and 1986, his research team monitored more than a hundred married couples
in Indiana and Illinois with electrodes, video cameras, and microphones
as they attempted to work out real conflicts. Using the information derived
from these sessions, Gottman concludes here that a lasting relationship
results from a couple's ability to resolve conflicts through any of the
three styles of problem-solving that are found in healthy marriages- -validating,
conflict-avoiding, and volatile. Numerous self-quizzes help couples determine
the style that best suits them. Gottman points out, however, that couples
whose interactions are marked by four characteristics--criticism, contempt,
defensiveness, and withdrawal--are in trouble, and he includes self-tests
for diagnosing these destructive tactics, as well as steps for countering
them. Interestingly, Gottman asserts that the basis of a stable marriage
can be expressed mathematically: the ratio of positive to negative moments
must be at least 5:1--and he offers a four-step program for breaking through
negativity and allowing one's natural communication and problem-solving
abilities to flourish. Mathematics and science aside, there's plenty of
old- fashioned, helpful, and worthwhile advice here about gender differences,
realistic expectations, love, and respect--advice that may appeal especially
to those who enjoy taking quizzes and analyzing relationships.
Ordina...
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At
Daddy's on Saturdays